Jersey Devil Press to Publish “James Joyce, Herman Melville, and God Get Rejected!” by Me

Hey, all you writerfolk out there. This one’s for you.

Ever have a publisher reject your work? That’s sort of like asking a seventy-year-old lifelong drunk if he ever accidentally pissed on his own shoes a little while relieving himself in the men’s room at the corner pub.

But try not to let that rejection stuff get you down too much. Because ten thousand years from now, at a time when the great literary canon of the known universe will have grown to be so astronomically massive as to be virtually unmanageable, intractable, redundant, and even meaningless, an intergalactic governing body will be forced to create the universe’s last publishing house, whose primary responsibility it will be to prune down the ginormous literary canon through the “retroactive rejection” and complete annihilation of scores of existing books.

And in doing so, no time-honored classic or long-venerated author will be exempt from the purge of retroactive rejection . . . not even the Big Guy Upstairs Himself, if you follow.

And get this: with the advent of quantum-based, spiritworld-communication technology, it will seem only proper for representatives of the last publishing house in the universe to take the time to contact deceased authors directly and inform them when their work is being retroactively rejected . . . .

At least that’s how it all goes down in my short story “James Joyce, Herman Melville, and God Get Rejected!” which will appear in the April 2012 issue of Jersey Devil Press.

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~ by Douglas Hackle on January 20, 2012.

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